Beautiful Disaster
by Admiral Daala
Summary: You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.-Barbara de Angelis    Rated with a strong T
1. Chapter 1

_Hi All!_

_Its been a while since I posted a story, but here is a new one called Beautiful Disaster. I want to give a huge THANK YOU to the wonderful Laloga for letting me borrow her fantastic characters Honi and Milo to help create this story. She has been an incredible help betaing this story and I couldn't have done it without her! _

_This story is AU, but it eventually ties into Laloga's story Bastion. BTW if you haven't read any of her amazing work-make sure you do! You won't be disappointed! =)_

_I own nothing of Star Wars _

_And now for the story! Hope you all enjoy and please read and review! _

* * *

><p><em>If we live our life in fear<em>  
><em>I'll wait a thousand years<em>  
><em>Just to see you smile again<em>

_Kill your prayers for love and peace_  
><em>You'll wake the thought police<em>  
><em>We can hide the truth inside<em>

_-Muse_

* * *

><p>Milo walked into the medical bay and there she was with her back to him, but he knew it was her. There was no mistaking that long, beautiful, fiery red hair currently woven in a very elaborate braid. His fingers itched to free the locks from the keeper and run them in her silky mane.<p>

Carefully he approached her and lightly touched her shoulder. She partially cocked her head toward him and he could see her pale blue eyes glitter in the florescent lights. Oh how he could easily loose himself in her diamond-like orbs. Did she know that she held him at the palm of her hand?

A small smile inched its way up her small but full lips and he returned it with a shy one of his own. "Honi…" he purred.

"Honi?" The intruder rudely interrupted his wonderful daydream. Milo's head quickly slipped off his hand that he had been resting on and opened his ember eyes wide. He had unintentionally fallen into another daydream, something he had starting doing since he had met the Jedi healer Honi Tallis nearly a year ago while she piggy backed a ride to the core world of Coruscant.

The first time Milo laid eyes on her he tried not to make it obvious that he was staring at the girl and make her uncomfortable, but he had never seen someone with such luscious red hair, eyes that could penetrate right to his core and freckles that ran over the bridge of her nose and onto her cheeks giving her a much younger impression. He was infatuated by her. Admired her. Really liked her.

"Milo! Snap out of it shiny!" One of his brothers snapped his fingers in front of Milo's face.

"Stop calling me that!" Milo swatted the hand away from his face and gave a disgruntled look at his brother, Crest.

"Whoa boys, looks like we have a shiny with his decce in a twist!" Crest winked and shuffled away from his younger brother very quickly when Milo stood up from his seat.

"Lay off of him Crest," Weave, Milo's bunk mate and technical engineer defended. Milo, Crest and Weave had all gathered in the _Wayfarer__'__s _galley to grab a midday meal and discuss their latest assignment when Weave and Crest started in on some technical thing about engines. Milo quickly tuned them out and became lost in his own thoughts. Thoughts about a certain red headed Jedi…_Stop __it! __Focus __Milo!_

Looking down at his now cold and sloppy meal, Milo's appetite was instantly gone and decided to find Captain Stonewall and General Kalinda Halcyon; hoping to get away from his brother's bantering. It was bad enough that he had been caught saying her name, now he would have to be ridiculed about it nonstop.

Crest and Weave abandoned their meal as well and fell in behind the younger clone. "So, would this Honi be the Jedi Honi Tallis? As in former Padawan to Kalinda Halcyon, Honi Tallis?" Crest pressed.

Milo rolled his eyes and sighed loudly, hoping that Crest would get the hint at how annoyed he was. Milo heard a hard smack behind him and an "owe!" then Weave joined up beside him.

"Thanks Weave," Milo sighed somewhat relieved.

"It's your business Milo, if you want to share you'll share," Weave nodded.

They rounded the corner and entered the bridge to find their general, Kalinda Halcyon and Captain Stonewall "Stone" for short in mid discussion. Kalinda gave them both a kind smile before finishing up the discussion and both turned to the new group.

Noticing Crest rubbing the side of his head, Stone tilted his head curiously and tried to keep the humor out of his voice, "Trouble Crest?" Crest frowned and mumbled unhappily under his breath.

"Well boys, you should be happy to know that our next assignment is going to bring a little R&R to all of you," the dark haired Jedi was pleased to announce. She loved her squad; they were all her brothers with the exception of Stone. She would lay down her life for each and every one of them if and when the time came.

Stone held a very special place in her heart and their bond proved that with the surprising but glorious discovery of his Force sensitivity. They were able to touch, speak and love each other more intimately than ever imagined though; even without the Force she would love him unconditionally.

"Vacation, really? Finally! My mind has been a wandering mess and can use the rest!" Crest dramatically put his hand to his forehead and swayed into Weave who pushed him back upright.

Kalinda snorted with suppressed laughter and Stone just shook his head. "Wandering mess is right," he said. "No, not quite a vacation, but it will allow for a little down time."

"So what are we doing?" Weave asked.

"You all remember my former Padawan Honi Tallis," Kalinda began. Milo instantly stiffed and slivers of longing slipped passed his defenses at the mention of her name. It did not go unnoticed to the Jedi Master and the Captain.

"Who could forget ay Milo," Crest ribbed his younger brother.

"Shut it," Milo snapped.

"_He__'__s __never __that __touchy,__"_ Stone sent to Kali.

"_Stone…don't you remember how he looked at her? It's the same way when you thought I didn't catch all those cute little stares behind my back."_

"_You saw those?" _

"_I__'__ll __talk __with __him,__"_ at the sound of throats clearing, Stone and Kali focused.

"If you are done with your Force lovers talk, we would like to know what General Tallis has to do with the mission," Crest pressed.

"Crest…" Stone warned, but Kali sent him a soothing impression through their bond.

"The Jedi, as well as the GAR are lucky to have her talented and healing abilities. She is virtuoso in her field and was recently demonstrated when she worked tirelessly and saved Tiger Company when they had come under attack. She had made sure they had made it onto their transport and healed them from their wounds, many of them near fatal."

"You must be very proud, having her as a student," Traxis, Shadow Squad's lead expert in gunnery joined in on the conversation.

"I am humbled and would be lying if I didn't say proud. Honi has always been an exceptional student and am glad that her gifts can be shared." Kali knew it wasn't very Jedi like to have pride in such a thing, _but __then __again __I__'__ve __never __been __a __conventional __Jedi. __What__'__s __a __little __satisfaction __having __for __your __former __student?_

"You still haven't gotten to the point where Honi, I mean," Milo quickly corrected himself before anyone could point out the use of her first name, "General Tallis plays a part in all this."

"And our R&R!" Crest added.

Stone gave his men a glare that made them instantly quiet and Kali grinned. Sometimes, working with these men felt like working with little boys. _Then __again __they __are __just __boys._ A sad reminder of the clone rapid aging process and the limited time she and Stone would have with each other. Not to let this thought bring her down, she continued, "The Jedi Council wanted to honor General Tallis's efforts with an honorable mention a small ceremony will be held on Alderaan. While we are there I would like all of you to take the opportunity to have a little bit of leave. You have all earned it. But I want you all to be in your Sunday best for the ceremony."

"Yes! Food, swimming…" Crest started.

"And refresher duty," Stone interrupted.

"And refresher…wait, wha?" Crest's mouth dropped and his brothers snickered.

"Maybe it'll teach you to keep your mouth closed with soap coming at you," Stone pointed toward the shared refresher. Crest contorted his face and looked miserably at the Jedi general.

"I was just excited, that's all," he said pathetically.

"We can make it all the way to Alderaan," Stone threatened.

"I'm on it!" Crest moved.

* * *

><p>Stone and Kalinda's relationship was unconventional at best and he wasn't an expert in the field with women, but through her, he had learned what love was. Love was a never ending school of text and emotions, hits and misses, highs and lows and while he was still learning, Stone was glad he was able to help his brothers with this unfamiliar territory.<p>

"Captain, weren't you afraid of Kalinda rejecting you?" Milo softly asked as they walked down the corridors of their trusty ship.

"Not rejection Milo, but accepting that I was a tool used for warfare. But I quickly learned and had to look past my own ignorance that I was only using that excuse as a shield. She instantly saw me for the human I was, the man I could be and am. I have without a doubt the love Kali has for me and I have for her."

"But you have the Force, you can tell what she's feeling and she can do likewise. Honi, she's a Jedi and I'm not. We can never share the bond that you and the General have," Milo said mournfully.

Stone stopped mid step, turned and placed a strong but comforting hand on his younger brother's shoulder. "Maybe, but your bond will be different. You like General Tallis don't you?" Milo slowly nodded his dark head. "Would you go as far to say you love her?"

The young clone's eyes practically bugged out of his head and his dark eyes met with Stone's intense gaze. "I…I…" Milo stumbled.

"Milo, you are young. We all are. It is unfair to be a boy disguised as a man; unfortunately that's what the fates had forsaken us to. Just because we are young doesn't mean we have to make childish decisions and mistakes. If your feelings for Jedi Tallis are true, make sure you can say those three magic words without stumbling."

Stone gripped Milo's shoulder firmly and then let go. He was about to continue on his way when Milo called out, "how will I know when the time is right?"

Stone once again stopped but did not turn around. "You'll know lad."

* * *

><p><em>I'll know when the time is right…I'll know…blast those Kaminoians and their wretched training. Shoot a tinnie, sure no problem. Storm a planet and take over a Separatist base, piece of uij cake! But love? Forget about it. She must think I'm a total di'kut. She's a Jedi, follows the Jedi code to the utmost. How am I supposed to get her to even notice me when she follows the straight and narrow?<em>

_I really want what Kali and Stonewall have. Don't I? Or do I just want the experience? No…I want someone to look at me the way the General and Captain look at each other; someone to share a bed with at night and to be concerned about while away on missions. Maybe someday if the war were to ever end, we could start a family or just love each other for the rest of our lives. Would she ever allow herself to do that? _

Thoughts racing through his mind, Milo didn't even notice the person in front of his path until he collided straight into her.

"Oof!" The air rushed out of her as she and Milo fell down onto the soft Alderaanian grass. Luckily Milo's quick reflexes kicked in and before he completely used this person as a cushion, he braced himself onto his strong arms.

After shaking his head to clear the stars from his eyes he opened them to find the one person who had taken up most of his attention night and day. Her scarlet hair was spread above her head like that of a pyro flower petal and Milo dug his hand into the dirt to prevent himself from lacing his fingers through the soft tresses.

Her eyes were quickly blinking trying to focus on the rude intruder was who knocked her over. Pale moonstones opened accusingly, her jaw set and ready to yell that is until she looked up and noticed who was on top of her. Her face instantly softening and a light…_was __that __a __blush __coming __to __her __cheeks? _Yes! A light crimson highlighted her speckled cheeks and nose. Milo quirked a shy half smile and she furrowed her brows at him. His heart started to beat faster and he was sure that it was going to pound right out of his chest.

"Hello General Tallis," Milo said delicately, but the huskiness in his voice made his accent thick and deep.

"Milo," she breathed. "What are you doing?"

"Well right now I'm lying on top of you." Milo cringed as soon as the words left his mouth.

Honi lifted her head up slightly and looked down at their twined bodies. His armored body was lightly pressed against her much softer, robed one just enough that it felt a bit too intimate for her comfort. In the midst of their fall, their legs had become entangled with each other. If anyone were to walk upon the two of them and in the current position, Honi would not have faulted the first thought that would cross their mind. _Far __too __intimate __looking._ Milo was doing his best to prop himself up and giving her and him some space.

"I see that," she looked back up at him. "I meant to say what are you doing all the way out here?"

"I was just taking a walk and thinking, Kalinda has given us all a bit of leave until your ceremony." Honi had forgotten how slack her former master was with her squad. The use of first and informal names, letting her men wander around on their own, it took Honi a bit to get use to and was still trying to learn. She had given up on correcting at least with Milo the use of the General title, but found that she didn't mind so much. In fact, she found that she didn't mind a lot of things about Milo. Not that she would let herself freely express those thoughts and feelings. That was not the way of the Jedi, of the Code.

"Yeah me too," Honi mumbled. "That is until you ran into me." She slightly smiled at the young clone's embarrassment.

"Sorry about that. I'm usually much more alert about my surroundings. But if I had to fall on someone, I'm glad it was you." Again, his mouth was quicker than his brain and his heart began to beat quickly. He was sure he could hear it against his chest plate.

"Uh yes," Honi said, growing more uncomfortable with their compromised situation. "Mind if we get up now? The grass is soft, but it's not really my thing." Honi had come out by the lake to get some air and to think as well.

The ceremony was tomorrow night and it had been one handshake and meeting with a Jedi Master or delegate after another. A small ceremony to her was a lot different than to the Masters. She didn't understand what the big deal was. After all, she was just doing what she had been taught, what the Code had instructed her to do.

Milo's smile disappeared and worry cased in his amber eyes. _Was __it __something __I __said?_ He carefully untangled his legs from hers, wishing not for the first time that his plastoid armor wasn't separating him from the soft contours of cotton and flesh. His mind tried to wander off as her legs folded out from under him, but he quickly suppress the coveting thought.

Rolling onto one side of her and then onto his heels, Milo offered a hand to Honi and she graciously took it and sat up. Blades of green grass greatly contrasted with her red hair and Milo instinctively made a reach to pluck the grass out, but hesitated in mid-air when Honi gave him a startled look.

"Milo what are you doing?" She once again asked, but he wasn't sure by the tone of her voice if she was confused, startled, irritated or a little of both.

"I…I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me. I promise I won't do it again General Tallis," Milo averted his eyes from her so she couldn't see the hurt burning through. He stood up and the gentleman inside of him extended the Jedi healer a hand off the ground.

Tension was thick in the air between the two of them and after a moment Honi was first to break the silence and offered, "Why don't we take a walk?"

"Okay," Milo accepted.

As they walked next to the glistening lake, the native birds chirping in the trees and a light gust of wind tickling Honi's ruby locks, it couldn't be a more picturesque day, but Milo walked in turmoil. He was sure Honi could sense his brooding state, but he wasn't dumb. He had built up defenses so that even his own general couldn't see or feel the deepest of his enigmas.

"I don't know why the masters are making such a big deal out of this last mission. There are many Jedi who have accomplished and achieved far greater things than I have ever done," Honi solemnly murmured as she scuffed her feet across the soft blades of grass.

Oh how Milo wished he was like his captain and had the Force. Life would be so much simpler if he could read and feel emotions. _Or __would __it __make __life __that __much __more __complicated?_

"You are a one of a kind General," Milo treaded cautiously. He wasn't the best at this kind of conversation or comfort, but for Honi he would be her shoulder to lean on. "To save a whole battalion and for all of them to come out alive is something to celebrate and recognize. I know I am honored to be serving in a military that has a dedicated and valiant healer. It gives us boys something to admire and hold our heads up proud."

"Oh Milo," Honi said exasperated. "I'm none of those things. I'm only doing what I was taught, following the Jedi Code as close as I can." She let out a small sigh. "I may be dedicated, but that's because I am supposed to be. I am honored bound by the Code. I don't know any different." _But __you __do,_ a small voice yelled at her. "Can I tell you something and promise not to tell a soul?"

They had stopped walking and had found themselves on the outskirts of the lake. The sun was just beginning to set behind the glacier like mountains, casting a purple glow across the forest. Honi crossed her arms around her chest, warding off the chill in the air. Milo wished he had something to offer her to help warm her chilled arms, but wrapping her in his own arms would have to continue to be a dream at the moment.

"Cross my heart and sworn to die," Milo made a crossing motion over his chest plate with his finger.

Honi regarded him with a cool icy blank stare, one that Crest had so often ribbed Milo about.

"Sometimes I want to envy those who aren't controlled by the Code. Then again I remind myself the Code is there for a reason." She narrowed her eyes at Milo. "You understand don't you? About being controlled by a code?"

"I am not a droid; I am not controlled by just one code."

Honi continued to regard Milo with her cool impassive look when she finally responded almost in a flippant tone, "Sometimes I wish I could let go."

Milo wasn't sure if the girl was serious or trying to play it cool and hide her nerves. How could she say something so substantial just so offhandedly? Maybe she really was as cold as his brother thought her to be?

"Well maybe you should," Milo shrugged.

"What?" Honi cocked her head toward him, her hair falling over her face. She tucked the errant strands behind her ear and continued her bemused gaze at him.

"Would it be so bad if you just let go? Kalinda doesn't follow the Code rule by rule and things have worked out for the better. She and Captain Stone as well as the rest of Shadow Squad have an amazing connection without her following the straight and narrow. Maybe sometimes lines need to be bent."

"It never ceases to amaze me," she murmured.

This time it was Milo to look confused. "What?"

"You, your brothers; the clones. You constantly surprise me with your uniqueness, your ways to see the galaxy through untainted, vestal eyes."

"General, other than battle, the galaxy is an idle creature to us," Milo earnestly said.

Milo pursed his lips together. He was confused. Honi walked the fine line of the Jedi Code yet was she ready for the release that Kalinda had found? Did she want the closeness that he wanted with her?

"I'm sorry Milo," she apologized and effectively shut down their conversation.

"For what, General?" he tentatively asked.

"This is your time off. I understand that you only get it once in a blue moon and it shouldn't be spent by talking about polices of Code. Go and enjoy yourself or do whatever you and your troopers do when you have time off."

She didn't mean for it to come out so harsh, but she was beginning to feel uncomfortable again and between her conscience and heart battling each other, she was starting to get a rather bad headache. The little voices inside of her raged within. One was telling her it wouldn't hurt her to follow in similar steps that of her former master, to take the "long and winding road," the other constantly berating and scolding for such thoughts. The storm within did not reflect out as she continued to stare across the dark lake.

Taking a deep breath and gathering up the courage, Milo stepped closer to the Jedi healer and wrapped his arm around her. Surprisingly she did not reject his closeness, though he could feel her body tense as if readying herself to spring at moment's notice.

"I am enjoying it," he murmured.

Much to his surprise, Honi took a baby step closer into Milo's warm embrace and settled into the nook of his arm, her body slightly relaxing. He looked down at her small form and smiled.

_Is this the time I tell her? No…not yet. Just holding her is enough and if this is the closest I ever get to telling her I am okay with that. _

* * *

><p>"So Milo," Crest between mouthfuls of the piece of fruit he was chomping on, prodded. Some of the juice dribbled onto his chin and Milo watched with a grimace as the stain fell and splashed onto the steel floor.<p>

"So Crest," Milo repeated, going back to his task at hand and trying to sound disinterested.

He had returned to the _Wayfarer_ late that eveningfrom escorting General Tallis to the Palace. _Honi__…_Milo ached to say her name. They had walked in silence; one lost in thought the other trying to figure out what his day had meant if it meant anything. Milo had been adapted at reading body language and the small Jedi beside him was all but relaxed. She would slightly eye him, even faintly tilting her head toward him. It was as if she was trying to analyze him, maybe seeking his thoughts though Milo would never know. When he would slightly turn his head toward her, she would immediately avert her eyes and her face would become vacant. _Shields __at __100%!_

_What does it all mean? I'll never understand women, especially Jedi women. _

"You came back pretty late," Crest walked into Milo's shared room and plopped down onto Weave's bunk. Milo continued to keep his attention focused on polishing his armor, making sure it shined for the ceremony. "Did you run into a certain somebody and did she freeze you in place with her ice blue beacon of pessimism?"

"Crest…you don't know her," Milo growled.

"Maybe, but shiny, I've never seen eyes so cold that if I were on Hoth that being wrapped up in a snow tamale would feel like a thermal blanket compared to being ogled at by her," Crest took another bite of his fruit, slurping up the mess he was making.

"Hey!" Crest protested as Milo snatched the fruit away from his brother and pitched it into the small trash bin. "What did you do that for?"

Milo pointed an angry finger at his brother. "First you are being disrespectful to a superior. Second, you don't know her!" Milo once again repeated but this time with a small inferno in his belly to back him up. "Maybe there is a good reason for her to be so distant or she's like us, trying to follow her teachings without breaking a rule. You know, we aren't the only ones bound to a code of honor!"

The room remained awkwardly silent between the two brothers. Crest rubbed the back of his bald head and ground his molars together. "Milo…I'm sorry little brother," he finally said, breaking the quietness. "I guess I just don't know when to keep my big mouth shut sometimes. I didn't know what she meant to you."

Milo went back to polishing his armor, but with a half growl/frustrated snort, he tossed the plate onto his bed. "Crest, she means, I mean, I think..." Milo stumbled for a response and stopped himself before blurting out what he had trapped so long inside. _It __would __only __give __him __fuel __to __make __fun __of __me._

"Milo…" Crest started, but Milo had already gotten up from his bed and made his way toward the door.

"You're right Crest; I didn't know how much she meant to me either."


	2. Chapter 2

_Let me fly you to the moon, my eyes have always followed you around the_  
><em>Room. 'Cus you're the only God that I will never need, I'm holding on and<em>  
><em>Waiting for the moment to find me.<em>

_-Noel Gallagher_

* * *

><p>The night of the ceremony Shadow Squad was dressed in their full armored uniform. Every square inch of their armor had been cleaned and polished and polished again until the light reflecting off it hurt their eyes.<p>

The five of them stood at ease though alert and off to the side while Jedi knights, masters and many delegates conversed with each other. Even their own general was in the midst of the thicket, though reluctantly which only brought on snickers from her group.

"I bet she'll only last an hour," Crest smirked from his HUD. If it was one thing that all clones could be thankful for from their creators was them installing private com channels in their helmets. They could stand there looking like statues and have conversations about anything.

"Well I hope it's only an hour, I hate these things," Trax ever to bring the dour side to a party unless it involved artillery, grumbled.

"Captain, Tiger Company is here, permission to talk with them?" Weave inquired.

Tiger Company was the battalion that Honi had saved and wanted to be at the ceremony to offer their thanks and appreciation.

"Granted Weave, I think we all could use a little conversation," Stone nodded. Weave, Crest, Trax and Stone began to make their way over to the other side of the large hall, but Stone noticed their youngest member not following. He gestured for his brothers to continue without him and went back to Milo.

"Milo," Stone commed through their private channel.

"It has to be tonight," Milo distractedly said to his brother. Stone didn't have to reach out with the Force to feel the flurry of fluttering emotions bouncing off of Milo. Worry, nervousness, excitement, joy, resentment, anger, elation. Turning ever so slightly, the captain caught what was causing his young brother such a rush.

General Honi Tallis dressed in her formal Jedi attire, long red mane braided down her back stood talking with Kalinda. While he found her attractive, nothing compared to Kalinda in his eyes. She had crept into his brother's heart and settled deeply within, Stone hoped that Milo wouldn't find heart break. Honi Tallis was not open like Kali and made the point of letting them know from the start. But if Milo had found a way, then Stone would be there for them.

"I have to tell her tonight Captain," Milo continued to stare through his T-shape visor at the red hair beauty; though whether purposely or because she was thoroughly engaged, Honi chose to ignore Milo's presence. She was so guarded only giving the slightest of smiles when someone came to offer their congratulations. To outsiders, the young Jedi healer may look as everything was cool, calm and collected; that nothing was bothering, but to the well trained eyes of a clone where even the slightest twitch of a finger could be perceived as a message to the enemy; Stone didn't need the Force to see that Honi Tallis was bothered. Neither did his younger comrade.

With every move she made, step she took, Milo was entranced by her. His Force signature would spike with overwhelming exhilaration that even Stone was surprised at how passionate his brother was. Even a few Jedi would turn and look their way, but their interest wouldn't last long. Clones couldn't possibly feel emotion, right?

"Milo," Stone opened his mouth to continue, but what was he going to say? Be careful? Don't get your heart broken? "Good luck."

"Thank you Captain," Milo tried to sound confident, but his nervousness snaked itself out.

As Stone stepped away the familiar presence of his lady tingled within.

_Is __everything __okay __Stone?_ Her angelic voice crooned.

_He__'__s __very __nervous,_ Stone stepped up behind Kalinda and to any outsider it would look like a good clone captain keeping his vigilant eye on his general. While true, Stone soaked in her nearness as did Kali.

_Honi has her barriers locked down and shut tight. May the Force be with them tonight. _

* * *

><p>Milo watched as Honi humbly accepted the honor the Jedi masters bestowed and shook the hands of all the men of Tiger Company. Trained to have large amounts of patience had its advantages, but the little boy inside of him began to emerge and his tolerance began to wear thin.<p>

By the time Honi had freed herself from the last handshake she blew out a breath of distress. Hoping that it didn't look too obvious, she rolled onto her toes to look over the sea of heads onto her toes for a possible way to escape. _Patience_, she told herself. _It__'__ll __all __be __over __soon._Turning around as another round of "thank you's" and "congratulations" started, Honi schooled her face into a polite smile.

Seeing this, Milo decided to make his move and maneuvered around the still large crowd and tapped her on her shoulder.

She squared her shoulders preparing herself for another round of whatever they wanted to do or say to her when she turned around and a very surprised look came over her freckled face. Dispite her short amount of time spent with the squad, Honi would always be able to tell Shadow Squad apart, especially Milo. His signature produced such wholesomeness it was almost blinding.

"You want to get out of here?" He asked.

"Won't you get in trouble?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I knew I was going to get into trouble." True. Honi chewed on her cheek. She looked at the crowd who were starting to slowly filter out and back at Milo. Yes she wanted to leave and go with him, but her conscience flared. What of the Jedi Code? It was against the Code to have such feelings.

_Then again, I asked Kalinda how she could have had feelings for Captain Stonewall over Obi Wan Kenobi. I knew she was in a relationship and did nothing then. _

Even with the knowledge of Milo feelings for her, guilt gnawed at the back of Honi's mind because she knew she could not possibly return them, _can __I_? She nodded. "Okay." Stealthily, they made their way out of the reception hall.

"Where do you want to go?" Milo asked gently, well as gently as he could make his voice through his HUD sound. Their footsteps bounced and echoed off the pristine glass hallway walls as they were the only two walking down them. It was somewhat haunting.

"Huh?" Honi dumbly answered. "Oh, this way," she took the lead and led him through many twists and turns. Luckily for Milo his memory was near perfect in case he was going to have to find his way out of here alone later.

Honi lost herself in thought while leading them through the different corridors. She recalled asking her former master about her relationship with Captain Stonewall.

_"You love a clone. Does he love you in return? Can they love?"_

Kalinda and Captain Stonewall's devotion and utmost adoration toward one another had eventually answered her question. But a much more chilling and frightening revelation and questions troubled the young Jedi's storming mind.

_The question should be can I love a clone? Can I even love?_

Honi finally stopped in front of a closed door and breathed in a deep sigh. Realizing that Milo had followed her without compliant and had not said anything since leaving the reception, she turned slowly to him.

"Can you take off your helmet?" She asked.

Without hesitation, with a couple of clicks and a pop-hiss his helmet was disengaged and she was staring right into his deep, dark cocoa eyes and saw the reality of what the Kaminoans, the Jedi had created. A real, breathing human man capable of anger, hurt, caring and…yes love. Not a clone with a hive mind and a single thought.

_He __can __love.__He __can __love __me._ _Can __I __love __him? __Can __I __disobey __the __Code? _She was at a fork in the road with her mind and conscience. All of her teachings told her no. There is no passion, there is peace. But where was the peace right now?

"General?" his voice brought her back to the present.

"Oh sorry," she mumbled.

Honi fingered the control panel fumbling a few times and the door finally opened. Both Honi and Milo looked into the dark room with apprehension, but Milo held out his gloved hand for her to take. Honi looked down at it and took a breath. _If __I __take __his __hand __in __mine __it __wil l__only __be __the __start __won__'__t __it? _She hesitantly placed her small hand in his and along with the warmth she felt as his fingers tangled with hers was strength and _hope_.

"I must admit Milo, I didn't think clones were possible of such feelings," Honi broke the taut silence. "You were created to be fighting units, go out and die for our cause and not feel happy, sad or mad about anything or anybody." Milo clenched his jaw and furrowed his brows at the Jedi, but did not interrupt her. "But you surprised me," Honi let go of his hand as they stepped further into the room and took a seat on the small recliner.

"Why is that?" Milo stood in the middle of the room looking at her, bewildered but radiated...

"You're still doing it," Honi said.

"Doing what?" Now Milo was really baffled.

"You, your Force signature, it always seems so pure, innocent and afraid. Why?"

"How can you consider me pure and innocent when I am built for war?" Milo shot back.

"But you aren't just built for war, are you Milo? You have become so much more, craved for more. Is this something you learned from General Halcyon?" Honi warily asked.

"She has helped General Tallis, but I've learned a lot on my own as well."

"Like what Milo?" Honi's interest was piqued and she was slightly letting her guard down.

"I have learned much on my own by watching, listening, and waiting. Can I ask you something? Are you afraid General?"

"I am not afraid," Honi said defensively. Milo eyed her coolly as he walked up slowly to her and looked down at her red head.

"Are you sure? Are you sure you aren't afraid that if you took the path to the left instead of the right that you would really abandon the Code you have worked so hard to uphold? General, it doesn't work that way, I know."

"Milo," her celestial voice sent shivers down his spine, "We're past formalities don't you think?"

She was giving him permission to say her name. _Honi__…__Honi__…_her name echoed in his mind.

"I'm not…I'm not afraid," Honi toiled to say. "Fear is of the dark side."

"Honi," his voice was that of silk. He waited until she looked up at him. "Jedi are human too. We are allowed to have passions and fears."

"I don't know if I can break the Code Milo," Honi could feel her resolve start to crumble. This man, not a clone, man, saw more in life, more in her than she deemed possible. _But __what __of __the __Code?_

Milo watched as Honi battled her inner demons and wished not for the first time he had the Force to sense what she was feeling.

_Maybe I won't tell her after all…_

Milo squatted in front of the befuddled Jedi and met her eye for an eye. "Honi," the way he said her name was like delicate satin flowing from his mouth. It both excited her and frightened her. "I understand about upholding your code. We don't have to do anything except sit here. Just being near you is enough for me." Her eyes suddenly sparked with a blue flame.

_Then again, maybe I will…_

"Milo…"she whispered his name.

"You know what?" He tentatively reached out to place his hand over hers.

"Milo," she whispered again, this time ferocity backed it up.

"You are right, I am afraid, maybe that's why I'm content to just hold your hand and daydream." He confessed. It was true; she could feel the fear leaking out from his barriers. He may be a big strong trooper able to take on war machines, Separatists and whatever other monsters existed, but as his hand covered hers she could feel his pulse race through his glove and even a slight tremor shuttered throughout his body.

More pieces of her shield fell as she moved her hands from under his and tugged the gloves away. _Can __I __break __the __Code? _She watched him as he continued to look at their hands, fascinated by the simple act of flesh touching flesh. As if sensing her stare he peered up at her and the corner of his mouth quirk a smile.

_For __him, __yes._ And suddenly the wall completely crumbled and she was free. Honi gasped as her shoulders unexpectedly felt like a weight had been lifted from them and a new sense of liberty had been granted. The Force was guiding her to the path which she had turned blindly away from. It felt invigorating.

"Honi?" Milo asked concerned. The flame in her eyes turned into a whirlwind of blue fire, shimmering in the dim room. With a sharp cry making Milo slightly jump, Honi quickly closed the distance between them and pressed her lips against his. Milo's eyes open wide and then closed them, lavishing the taste of her sweetness and the warm feel of her body pressed up against him.

Honi wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening their kiss. Milo just couldn't get enough of her. She was like tasting sweet cake for the very first time and the taste just got better with every bite. He could hear a low moan vibrating from the back of her throat and it only spiked his desire for her.

The need for air broke them apart and they came up panting for a breath. Both locked in each other's arms, Milo's gaze never left hers.

Though being inexperienced, Milo didn't need words as Honi once again took his hand and led him into the small bedroom. He stopped as soon as the door swished closed behind him and his eyes fastened on the bed. He audibly gulped, hoping to swallow down some of his rising anxiety.

"Honi," His voice barely above a whisper and hoarse Milo cracked, "I…I have never done this before."

Sliding her arm up his plated chest and around his neck again, she caressed his strong jaw with her soft lips. "It'll be okay Milo," she murmured back.

Sex for Honi had always well, just been sex. She had never put emotion or passion behind the action, just an experiment needed to be tested. But this was different. He was different. The Force was electrifying around them, trembled as he kissed her with his virgin lips. _The __Code__… __The __Code__…_

"What if I hurt you?" he caressed her ear with a quivering breath. The voices that taunted her were instantly gone with his innocent and compassionate question.

"I don't think you are capable of such a thing Milo," Honi shyly. She had to admit, she was a bit nervous herself. This wouldn't be a simple act of physical need and greed. No, tonight it would be about souls combining and actually feeling for the first time what love was really about.

_Oh __boy_, Milo gulped again. How were they ever going to get through the night if they kept up this pace? He was shaking like a newborn bantha calf. Taking a breath Milo tried to steady his hands and slow his thumping heart.

"How do you remove these things?" she asked with a blush starting to cover her face. Milo took a step back and started to peel off each piece of armor and until he was left standing in his one piece black body suite.

_I __can __see __why __Kalinda __finds __her __captain __attractive__… _Honi's blush illuminated her entire face as she eyed Milo and looked down when she caught him smiling back at her.

"Hey," he lifted her chin to make her look back up at him, "it's okay." She nodded wordlessly.

_He__'__s __never __done __this __before __and __comforting __me? _Honi took a deep breath, trying to calm her own jittery nerves and once again eyed the man in front of her appreciatively. Well, the GAR had done something right; Milo was fit to a tee. No fat and all lean muscle. With each breath he took Honi's imagination began to run with wild wonders of what lay beneath the black body glove.

Honi took his hand and together they began to remove the line of buttons on her blouse. She once again looked up into his big brown eyes as the last one had been undone and he slowly slid the sleeves down her arm, gently stroking her skin sending goose bumps and shivers all over her body.

"Beautiful," he cooed. They continued the slow dance of virgin lovers: one who had never been with a woman and one who had never emotionally connected with a man; nervously but tenderly undressing each other, caressing each other, finding those special places that set their souls on fire. They soon found themselves on the small but comfortable bed and only their underwear separated them from completeness.

Milo hovered above Honi, his weight resting on his arms so that he wouldn't make her feel threatened or scared and a silly grin was plastered on his face. "What's that for?" Honi asked, unable to contain her smile but confused.

"This is how we met the other day," he chuckled. Honi began to giggle uncontrollably and Milo wasn't sure if it was from nerves or the memory was just that funny, but he joined in and they laughed until their chests hurt. Milo settled first and buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her intoxicating sent. He nipped gently at the lustrous skin where her neck and should met and he could feel her shudder under him.

Milo lifted himself so that he was face to face with Honi and brushed a few stray locks away from her eyes. She reached up with her own, interweaving her fingers with his.

"Milo, I trust you," she said and there was no mistaking the trust in her blue eyes.

It didn't stop the nerves from returning as they finished undressing and as she touched him all over his body, exploring and familiarizing. For the both of them, this was uncharted territory and like two teenagers discovering love for the first time, their touches were awkward, young and tender.

Sweat glistened on Milo's body as he poised himself over Honi. His eyes once again concerned, he asked strained, "Are you sure? Tell me this is what you want Honi, please."

Honi answered with a deep mindboggling kiss as she pressed her hips into Milo. They became one and both gasped with the new sensation. Honi gripped with her fingers onto Milo's strong shoulders, though not the first time accepting the intrusion, but from the sheer magnitude of enchantment she felt connecting with Milo. It wasn't an intrusion at all, but a link, a bond, a uniting of the spirits and this was just the start! Milo's arms shook as he waited until Honi's grip somewhat relaxed on his skin when he started to move.

Honi never imagined that this is what love could feel like. Yes, this had to be love. She withered under him, moaned as he moved in her, through her, sending her to higher places; places that she never thought existed. The Jedi were wrong. Love should never be suppressed. It should be embraced.

"Honi," Milo voice somehow registered into her brain. "Honi," he said again, thick, guttural and she wanted him to repeat it over and over again.

They were both close now, she could feel it. He held her closer and she wrapped her legs securely around his waist, never wanting to part. She ran her hands down his back, feeling his strong muscles quiver and ripple with each thrust. His tempo soon became frantic, knowing that the end was very near. Sounds of passion and ecstasy bounced off the walls and the moment came. Stars exploded and the Force trembled as they cried out for each other.

Milo collapsed onto Honi's chest, hearts pounding in unison. They breathed heavily, trying to catch their breaths. After a few minutes Milo rolled onto his side, gathering the Jedi healer into his embrace and lightly trailed kisses along her forehead. She slightly shifted and tucked her head under his chin and curled herself along his body, as if molding herself to his shape. He lazily trailed his fingers up and down her back feeling goose bumps start to form.

"I had no idea it could be like that," Honi mumbled into his chest.

_I __have __to __tell __her, __now __is __the __time._ "Not that I am an expert," Milo started, and Honi gave a little snort, "but I think it's only truly like that when two people love each other. Honi I love you. Since the first time I saw you I knew you were the one for me."

She froze in his arms. _Did __I __hear __that __right? __Did __he __really __say __he __loved __me?_

"Honi?" Concern began to build within Milo. What if he had really hurt her? What if he hadn't pleased her? What if he wasn't good enough for her?

_He __said __it. __I__…__I __don__'__t __know __if __I __can __say __it __back._ Honi felt him move to look down at her and she didn't dare look at him. Those three words would tumble out of her mouth before she could stop them if she looked into his sultry eyes. _Would __it __be __all __that __bad __if __you __did?_

"Milo," she started and he waited for her to continue. "Milo I…"

_She__'__s __going __to __tell __me! __She __loves __me __too! _Milo's heart thumped rapidly in his chest with excitement.

She let her hand trail down his muscular chest, across his heart and then clenched it in a fist. Honi didn't have to use the Force to know how much for this man to hear those three words would change his life. The black cloud moved over her and her chest began to compress with guilt. The freedom she had felt suddenly vanished even as she tried to claw her way through the thickening fog. The little voices began to taunt her again _The __Code__… T__he __Code__…_

"Good night Milo," Instead she tucked herself as snug as she could against his body and cocooned themselves away from all the politics, wars, fighting, and violence and let tonight be just them. _I__'__m __sorry._

* * *

><p>Honi listened to Milo's breathing grow steady and the even tempo of his chest rise and fall letting her know that he had fallen asleep. <em>The <em>_Code. __I __have __disobeyed __the __Code. __What __have __I __done?_

Gently as she could so not to disturb her lover, Honi untangled herself from his arms and legs and scooted herself away. Milo, in his sleep sought out the warm presence that was now missing and Honi gently touched his temples to soothe any distress.

"Sleep Milo," she said softly. His body instantly relaxed and fell into a deep slumber.

Honi watched him sleep and a dark hollow spot began to grow inside of her. _I __am __so __sorry __Milo. __I __do __love __you __and __maybe __someday __I __can __be __brave __like __Kalinda, __like __you, __and __break __free __of __the __Code. __I __know __you __won__'__t __understand, __but __thank __you __for __showing __me __what __love __is. __You__'__ll __always __be __more __human __than __me._

She leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against his temple and never turned back.

* * *

><p>"Honi?" Honi whirled around to find her former master standing behind her. She was hoping at this early hour in the morning that she could avoid everyone, but she should have known. Honi was trying to leave on the first transport for to Coruscant where she actually would be meeting her former Padawan.<p>

"I…I…" Honi stumbled out.

"Honi," Kalinda didn't have to use the Force to see that her former student was barely hanging onto her self-control. "Milo?" And with that one word Honi launched herself into Kalinda's arms, losing all self-control she prided herself on and sobbed.

"Please tell him I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm not strong like you Kali; I have to follow the Code. Maybe I'll be a better person like him someday!" Honi pushed herself away from the Jedi Master.

"Wait! Honi!" But the young healer turned deaf ears on her former master and ran as fast as she could up the transport's ramp.

_Kali?_ Stone called to her.

Kali didn't reply immediately and watched as the ship took off, mourning for her friend's loss, mourning that she couldn't see that it was just a code and that what she and Milo had was real.

_Find __Milo, _She sent back to Stone.

* * *

><p>Only after taking off from Alderaan did Milo find out that Honi had left early that morning for her next assignment. Anger, abandonment, hurt and a searing painful rip through his heart began to form and then finally emptiness.<p>

"Milo?" Kali called to him. When he didn't answer, Kali rested a gentle hand on the side of his cheek. Milo slowly lifted his eyes to look at his general.

"I wish I was one of those machines everyone thinks we are," Milo said numbly.


	3. Chapter 3

_A little note-text that are italics are from the story Eye of the Storm: Bastion. _

_Again, I want to thank Laloga for letting me use her awesome character's and story line! _

_Thank you for reading_

* * *

><p><em>What do you say in a moment like this<em>  
><em>When you can't find the words to tell it like it is<em>  
><em>Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way<em>  
><em>Oh what do you say<em>

_-Reba McEntire_

* * *

><p><em>A bolt of blue plasma leaped for Milo while he paused to adjust his aim a fraction of an inch; she heard his yelp of pain, watched the scorch-mark appear on his armored chest even as he fired one last time, felt the ground tremble when he collapsed beside her. <em>

"_Milo!" Kalinda screamed._

_She put her hands on his face and tried to send him a measure of calm, but it was impossible next to the terror and loss that she felt all around them._

_"I'm sorry, Kalinda," he said at last. His voice was steady and his eyes on her were clear even though part of her brain realized that she was weeping. "I couldn't stop him in time."_

_"What happened?" It was all she could think to say. Kali was dimly aware of Honi and Zara's frantic approach but she could look at no one but the young man before her._

_His eyes closed then opened in a long blink, even the small movement slow and halting. "Order 66...if the Jedi attempt to harm the Republic, we're to kill them. Direct from the Chancellor himself." She could tell that it was costing him a great deal of effort to speak so she shook her head_.

_"Never mind, Mi. We'll sort that out later...Honi?"_

Honi stood frozen in place as she watched Milo, her friend, her lover die in front of her and the only thing that she could articulate was, "_Master...your knee." The red-haired woman and her Padawan were beside her now but Kali shook her head again__._

"_Later Honi…Milo."_

_Milo...you shot your own brothers. __Kali shook her head again and gritted her teeth. "Honi, he needs your help." Her former Padawan knelt beside Milo and placed a hand on his cheek. She closed her eyes and concentrated. _Oh god Milo, I am so sorry. I'm sorry I never told you how much you meant to me, how much I loved you. I love you…

_Kali watched his face change from a look of pain and fear to one of peace. After a moment Honi looked at the dark-haired Jedi._

_"There's nothing I can do, Kalinda." Her voice was tight and quiet. _Honi slid her hand from his cheek and interwove her fingers with his gloved ones. He was her first to show her what love was, could be and like a fool she never told him what he meant to her. The Code…Code be damned! "Milo…" she whimpered, but stopped herself shortly at the sound of Zara's faint sob.

_Zara made a sobbing sound but seemed to swallow it down and Kali reached for Milo's hand, gripping it as hard as she was able, as if it would make any difference._

_But he spoke before she could, his eyes on hers were steady and unafraid. "Thank you, Kali." He gave her a small smile. "For everything."_ He rolled his head toward Honi and even with the words unspoken he knew what she wanted to say to him. Milo whispered with his last breath, "I love you."

_And he was gone._


End file.
